STANLEY QUOTES FROM THE OFFICE

“Did I stutter?”

“I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to sit in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for – that is the life.”

“I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on Pretzel Day…”

“I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?”

“Boy, have you lost your mind? Cause I’ll help you find it.”

“I’m sorry, do you have some prior commitment? Some Hideous Skirt Convention you have to go to?”

“If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.”

“You want me to be under you? There, now I’m back where I belong.”

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” “I will not stand here and be insulted by a man who has no toilet paper.”

“Did I stutter? I can’t recall. Perhaps the shock of finding out that we have a traitor among us has made me lightheaded, sweaty, and woozy.”

“There are five bosses here, and I heard a joke yesterday I don’t think anybody knows about.”

“When you don’t know what you’re doing, it’s best to do it quickly.” JIVAN QUOTES IN GUJARATI

“I’m bored. Tell me a joke.”

“I’m not sittin’ on this toilet ’til the next millennium.”

“I’m downsize-curious.”

“I’m a grown man and I should not be here.”

“I know what this company needs. A two-hour seminar, no, a three-hour seminar, on how to run a meeting.”

“I don’t care who I work with, as long as I don’t have to work with you.”

“You think you’re the only one who’s mentally deteriorating?!”

“I don’t care if Ryan murdered his entire family, he’s like a son to me.”

“I am a black belt in gift wrapping.”

“You know what Stanley, here’s another crossword clue. ‘A plus.’ Four letters.”

“I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it you can leave. I work in an office with a bunch of babies.”